Just so this is out there and not sugarcoated, relationships in high school are overrated and I wish I understood this earlier. Not in the way where I am saying to a high schooler, “do not date people in high school” or “stay single the rest of your high school career!” That is not the message I am communicating – I mean, I myself have had my first love and I am a senior in high school. What I am saying is that it’s complicated if you aren’t with the right person and until you find the one, it will be (unless you just have some kind of amazing dating powers) convoluted.
Dating Types
From my experience, there are 8 kinds of people in high school when it comes to dating. There are the people who have parents that tell them they cannot date until a certain age and so they don’t – these people are the rule followers. On the other side of that coin, there are the people who, again, their parents tell them they cannot date but the kid still goes ahead and dates someone behind their parents back – these are the rule breakers. There are the people who just think everyone at that school sucks or the people they like are already dating someone else so they just stay single because that’s just better – I think those people are the hopeless romantics (and honestly, props to them). There are the people who feel like they can’t find someone who will love them because of how many people they developed feelings for have just left them for someone new – these people are the lovers from afar. There are the people who date around; you know, the people who date someone for like two hours and then they break up with the person, move on with their lives and then find someone new, those are the experimenters (also somewhat a heartbreaker). There are the heartbroken ones, the ones who were left behind in a whirlwind of emotion because all they can think about is what was, but they too eventually move on even though it hurts. But then there are the people everyone is envious of, the people who are in a committed relationship and are just, well, perfect – these people are the high school sweethearts.
I’m positive that there is probably more than just 8 kinds of people when it comes to dating; these people are just the ones I notice the most amongst my friend group. In addition to that, one person can fall into many of these categories. As for myself, I can attest to the fact that I was a hopeless romantic, an experimenter, a heartbreaker, the heartbroken… So, I’ll tell you about my experience from high school relationships and I hope you can draw something from my experience to either relate to or put into your life.
Freshman Year
My freshman year, I didn’t date anyone. I definitely had those good old crushes on people. At the time, I felt like I needed a relationship (I believe I felt like this pretty much all of high school but anyways) but I just couldn’t find anyone who wanted to date me or that I wanted to date. I remember I had liked this one guy in my freshman requirements class and one of my friends had told him I liked him (that was embarrassing) but he, of course, liked some other girl and I thought, “Wow, my life is over!” But it wasn’t and I was just being way too overdramatic. Another little crush I had at that time, well this was the more complicated one. This was the one that began to spark my confusion when it came to dating. You see, we didn’t date but we had a mutual interest in each other – sort of. That fling, which ended up recurring sophomore and junior year, never worked out. It was awkward, but hey! You live and you learn, and sometimes you learn that you can be interested in someone but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be with them because you like them for the way they look. It’s kind of like a little kid with a McDonald’s play toy (PSA – I am not calling this person a McDonald’s play toy LOL). Anyway, I remember when I was a kid I would want the My Little Pony toys that were on display at McDonald’s because they were pretty, then I would get it and be over it in roughly a day or two until I saw it again in my room and be interested in it again and then back to forgetting about it – it was quite the cycle. Much like the toys, I did have a genuine interest in this person but I don’t believe it could’ve lasted long due to how seesaw my attraction was to him. He was nice to look at but I didn’t know him well enough to develop a relationship. (I am disappointed that the best analogy I can come up with is a McDonald’s and My Little Pony analogy, but whatever!)
Sophomore Year
This is where my career in dating begins to develop a reputation. Before you read any of this, I made some mistakes – not in writing – but in my life and I hope you will learn from them as I have. My sophomore year is when I began experimental dating, but at the time I wouldn’t have called it experimental dating – I believe I dated maybe like 5 or 6 different people. My first boyfriend in high school was a relationship that lasted roughly 3 or 4 months with it being a version of an off and on relationship. I am perfectly fine with this person now and I consider them a good person and friend to have but relationship wise, I wish I had had my eyes and mind open, not just my heart. After this relationship, I dated a few other people and, to say the least, they definitely did not make it to even a week at most. I don’t know what was going through my mind and I still can’t fully understand why I did what I did, but I can’t fix anything now – I can only reflect. I remember I was in a relationship with someone I genuinely loved to pieces, and as of today I still consider to be a great friend, but I broke off our relationship for – actually, I don’t even know the reason anymore. I left people without giving them a chance to make up for it, I did not understand why. But maybe I did and maybe, at the time, I just couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes to the truth. This truth being, I was and am fearful of commitment. (I’ll probably eventually do a blog on this too.)
Junior Year
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Junior year. 2016. Let’s establish this, we all know 2016 was, well, not the best year for pretty much anyone, and that includes me. This was the year I began to realize my fear of commitment. But, me being me, I just ignored this realization and lied to myself and convinced myself that I just “couldn’t find the right person” – because it’s always easier to put the blame on someone else. I dated more this people as this year went on as well, all adding to this experimentation. For example, at the beginning of junior year, I met a guy at a party and roughly not even 2 weeks later, we started dating and eventually broke up after a month and a half because I was afraid – but at the time I just thought the relationship wasn’t going well and it was his fault. Weird, right? It doesn’t make sense until you take a step back and you look deeper than what was on the surface. Unfortunately, I don’t talk to this person anymore but if I did, I would apologize for my actions. I think that this is what people need to understand about breaking up a relationship: when there is a breakup, the problems reside on both sides. Not on just one person (unless they cheated, then it is a different story). If there is a breakup, just know that there are always two sides to a story and it takes two people to start a relationship and two people to end it.
Senior Year
So now I’m here. After all of these ups and downs. I am here. I am in a loving relationship with someone I adore and am now working to commit to and one that I a determined to not end up like my others. Here’s to learning, here’s to growing, here’s to finding what I have been trying to find. But most importantly, praise God for where I am and for showing me the way to where I am now because all the experiences I have had have drawn me here.
What I would’ve told myself for each of these years
Freshman Year – “Honestly Ari, pull yourself together and get over it. You literally sit next to this guy in class every other day and sometimes see him on the shuttle and all you say is, ‘hey’, every now and then or giggle at something he says. If you liked him that much, you would’ve made an effort to talk to him and if he even remotely had an interest in you, you would know because he would make an effort too”. If a guy is interested in you, ladies, I promise you will know because he will make an effort to see you, talk to you, be around you. Just trust me, don’t push something that isn’t meant to be. You’ve got to compromise. You can have a crush on someone but consider this before thinking about dating them, can you see yourself with them 5 years from now?
Sophomore Year – “I know you love them, but do not go back into the relationship. You need to grow up some more and figure out yourself before you can figure out another person.” I wish I wouldn’t have forced something that wouldn’t work even though I wanted it too. Know yourself and your worth and when you know that, go and love someone with all you’ve got and commit to working in the relationship rather than leaving when things get rough for you or the other person.
Junior Year – “You really need to do some soul-searching and pray; look into yourself, ask God to help you understand who you are and what you’re living for. You also need to start listening to your head and your heart equally because they trying so hard to talk to you but they are fighting for dominance to be heard so it sounds like a bunch of jumbled words – but you can’t have one over the other, so focus on evaluating both. You also need to own up to those things you are pushing to the side, ignoring and acting like it isn’t there.” That’s all.
Senior Year – I don’t regret anything I have done. I have learned from the past and I am glad I did, and still am. I am here now. I am living. I am still learning.
– Arianna Miranda, 12.10.2017
Ari Miranda 
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